My Life
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Vector, Espio, and Charmy are challenged by time itself.


"Chahmee!" said Vector with a guttural roar, he dislodged a component of phlegm that landed directly between the young buzzing bee's eyes. "I can't see without mah glasses!"

Charmy took of the vile croc bile and renamed his kin after it. "I do see some beholding to have been beheld," said the saint. He did a crooked motion with his attractive antennae. It was like watching Waluigi freestyle on the highway with his beefy beats crew.

"These ware some pretty decent results," Espio said, entering the house and getting an eyeful of Charmy's stellar results.

"See here?" said Charmy with his pecs and abs crushing mountains to mere fragments, lest they be judged in accordance to humanities reign of dismembered truths.

"Okay, Charmy," said Espio as he took of his whole entire ping pong ball and graciously offered it to the heavens.

"Call me 'Harris' now," said Vector. He activated the strobe lights and rocked out to some P!ATD.

"No, you shall not be renamed Harris for it is an abominable sin against mankind!" shouted Espio's entire left sock-wearing foot.

"Can you see my stinger?" Charmy signaled to his apparent tuchus. He let the two reptilian livers stared deeply with serious emotion. "See the power that quells your weak bones?"

"Aye," said Vector, almost in tears. He took out one single rhino and lay it on the table. He then laid two cards, one deuce and the other a trey, and ended his turn.

"Fun times are rolling around at the speed of sound," said Espio sticking his hand into a glass of grapefruit juice and extracting twenty bucks (not deer).

"Rainbows are evil!" said Charmy as he took twelve bananas and sold them to his brother in Brooklyn.

"Yuh," said his brother.

"Hey, bro," said Charmy.

"Where are your brothers of detective professions?" asked the brother of Charmy.

"They are participating in losing activities," answered Charmy as he used two of his teeth to penetrate the calzone and call for the final retributions to be cast into the Sahara.

And yes, there did exist those losing fates of the reptiles. Espio was on his bike, losing the ability to use cars on the daily grind. Vector was at the gym, losing his fat in return for fit.

"Days are golden, eh?" said Vector to his chameleon comrade.

Espio frowned at the sight of Vector's fading blubber. The six pack he was developing was totes the hottest thing since Elon Musk's favourite can of lemons. Espio cracked open a turkey and lived inside. He had houseguests like Mr. Guy and Dr. Noodle.

"Can you see the right ways?" asked Charmy, flitting through the skies with his monkey wrench in two hands. He quickly adjusted the u-bend.

"No, I can't see hope or goodness," said Espio. "This is proof that turkey is a sin and tofurkey is the true winner, man!" Espio untook the turkey from his residence-having. He rejoined his brethren and they bought a tofurkey.

"See this tofurkey!" said Vector, stabbing it with his steely knife and alluding to wisdom.

"Good job, Vector the hunky stud," said Espio.

"Indeed, you have done well to earn such firm abs," said Charmy. He let out his backwards eating. Espio watched and wrote a haiku about it.

_When skies are heaven,_

_Trickling, magic craftsmanship,_

_Do not cry for hearts._

"Very good," said Vector, dipping the poem into a honey jar and slathering his mighty abs like a pelican with problematic coconut disorders.

Charmy saw the abs and ran over to Vector. He licked the honey off like an apple would be licked by carnivores. He bit each ab off and stored them in his jellybean collection.

Espio noticed the ab-theft and called up Loki…

Odinson…

And so, Espio went to Kentucky where he met David the Skunk. He and David made a macaroni necklace and sold it online for a million smackeroos. Espio became the richest man ever and was able to afford abs for all of his children.

"Thanks for the Christmas presents, father," said Espio's eldest, Guy Fieri.

"No. Thank you…" He then looked down at the picture of his deceased vacuum cleaner. He wept and used the tears to fill the lake over by his local library. He received a certificate of honour from the library and also got mad props, homie.

Vector and Charmy ended up in a box, where they discovered twenty brand new elements and used them to create candy for all good people. Bad people received only the worst coal from both Father Christmas and Hanukkah Harry.

**THE END**


End file.
